My Advocate

My Gentle Giant and I knew we were meant for each other on our very first date.
It was not love at first sight.
No.
Our mutual friend Ben introduced us to each other. Years before we met, Ben told me, “I have this brother, he lives in California, you two would be perfect for each other! I just know it!”
Now, if you know Ben, you don’t take Ben seriously.
On the fated evening, I was in the mad frenzy of preparing for a wedding the next day....full army general mode!
And then Ben walks in with this stranger.....I am NOT in the mood for his tricks!
He says, Shirley Ann, meet Tony, your husband. Tony, meet Shirley Ann, your wife”
And then he walks away, leaving us in the most awkward moment ever! While my staff were pacing up and down carrying chairs, tables, flowers into trucks outside.
Definitely not love at first sight.
He came back.
And on our first date, we knew.
We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together but there were so many complications.

In steps Mamaga.

Mamaga was a Queen Mother. A traditional ruler. Basically, she made it her business to step into people’s lives to solve problems. Sometimes welcome, sometimes not. But that was her way and her role.
When she found out about my Gentle Giant and me, first, she went over to “investigate” him.😍 She was delighted with what she found out. Above all, that he was kind and compassionate.
Then she summoned me.
“He will be good for you. He is a good man. You may have to give everything up for him. But he will take care of you.”
Next, she summoned us both.
She asked us two questions.
After we answered her satisfactorily, (she didn’t ask) she decreed, “you are going to get married.”

We had only known each other for a little over a month, and he was going to be leaving soon.
I was TERRIFIED of my father! I knew he was going to fly into a rage...which he did!😍 Mama stood for us, she stood firm. She dealt with both families. And in about two weeks, we were married in a quiet civil ceremony in my office.
I, the woman who has planned and designed over two hundred weddings and wedding gowns....this was my path.
She also assured both of our families that he would return to do things properly, by which I mean the traditional marriage and a white wedding. The pictures are from our traditional marriage. I have not had my white wedding.
Story for another day.
The idea of moving to America was complete madness. People left the country to gather resources to build what I had built. Career wise it was a bad move. And that was all everyone else could see.
Mama made me see differently.
She made me see that I had found and fallen in love with a good man.
And...she also told him to “put a ring on it”....otherwise, anything could happen after her returned to America!
Some would call her a matchmaker.
She wasn’t that.
She was an advocate.
Our advocate.
As I move forward with The School Of Love, Romance and Beauty, I want to be, I am going to be an Advocate too.
In the movie Sex and Mrs X (have you watched it yet?), when Madame Simone introduces Wendy to Mrs X, Wendy talks about the fact that Madame Simone introduced her to her fiancé and is also giving her away.
Then Madame Simone says, “only if he is true, otherwise I will shoot him on sight”.

We need Madame Simone in matters of love.
We need Mama.
I will be yours.
🌹The pictures....
During our traditional marriage on Valentine’s Day....he returned to do the right thing.
First one, me, obviously hugging her.
The second, one of my favorite pictures! She said, “big boy, come and sit on my lap! And then when he did, she started screaming...you’re going to break my legs and then you’ll have to take me to America for surgery!” All fun and love.
And in the third, you get to see her...sitting next to my Aunty Dzifa, my father’s sister.
Maybe one day I will tell you about how the traditional marriage in Ghana is conducted. It’s different from a white wedding, and is considered to be more important.
Thank you for reading about Mana.
She passed away a couple of years ago.
We will forever be grateful to her.
And Ben, our matchmaker....we will talk about how men make the best matchmakers inside the Boudoir.